MY GIRLFRIEND

To us children some of the staff could be quite odd over rules and punishments. I had been out at play in the grounds during the afternoon and had met up with a girl of about my age from another flat. We both must have been about eight. I had been at the Home for a few months and generally knew the rules that we had to follow.

Playing with a girl would not have been the normal way of passing the time. We must have been bored with things to do, and had just chosen each other’s company to pass the time. As the weather was dull and showery, there were few other children about. We were wearing identical brown raincoats. Originally these had been smart school raincoats, but now rather shabby; they had been classed as play clothes by the Sisters who looked after us.

It was mid afternoon; we must have been passing the time before going in for tea. Not really soaked, we had slowly made our journey around the rear of the flats, and had ended up at the side of the administration block. Neither of us was up to mischief of any kind. For me this form of play was quite sedate. A small flight of three steps led up to a side entrance; this had a large porch awning. The reason for our choice was that it gave a little shelter from the light shower of rain.

Most of our play was hopping from one step to another, and then trying to do two steps at a time. Our final part of this form of play was to jump onto the ground. There were no large puddles that would get us soaked and only a small film of water splashed very slightly when our wellingtons landed. Had we both been rolling on the ground even with our play clothes, I could understand the staff getting cross. Our coats were clean, we had not attempted any rough play, they might be a little damp, but we did not have any mud on them. One of the Sisters came out of the door; it was easy to see that in her mind we should not have been playing on the steps, but to the pair of us, we could not really see what harm we had done or that we had broken any rules. She was one of the older Sisters. I did not recognise her from being in charge of one of our nearby flats; all I could do was think that she must be from the flats on the other side of the grounds.

If we had been playing in an area where we shouldn’t have been, the reaction of the staff would be to send us on our way if we had not really been up to mischief. The Sister beckoned us inside and as we entered both of us pulled down the hoods of our coats; as we were now sheltered there was little point in having our hoods up. Instantly was a telling off, that she did not want to see our faces. To comply with her wishes we put our hoods up again, although our faces were of course still visible. Now the pair of us were questioned as to what we were up to. All we said was that we had been hopping on the steps; neither of us could really have given any other reply. If I had done something wrong, I could be sure that the Sister in charge of me would soon be told, but at this moment I could not think what rule we had broken. Both of us were now taken down a passage and into a side room. This was a laundry room with a selection of sinks for washing clothes. There was a small alcove at one side of the room; we were told to stand there. Width  and length-wise, it must have been about four foot square; there was just enough room for the pair of us to stand against the wall.

The Sister was not telling us what we had done wrong. We were told to stay there in silence. Questioning a Sister over such an instruction was simply something we never did as it could easily have meant the slipper. We stood and waited for the next instruction. The Sister now walked off leaving us alone.

If she was going to contact our Sisters over our behaviour, she must know which flats we were from, as neither of us had been asked our names or which Sisters looked after us. Knowing we might be in some form of trouble we waited. Neither of us spoke. If the Sister was close, we might be in the wrong for talking. We waited what seem to be ages, but in reality, it might have only been five or ten minutes. The Sister came back. The only instruction we were now given was that we were to sit on the floor. There was no telling off, just this odd request. We sat down together in the small alcove. Nothing had been said as to how we were to sit. For comfort as our coats were damp, we sat with our legs straight out. The Sister apparently was satisfied that we had complied, and went off again.

Until this moment, I did not know the name of the girl I had been playing with. It was Helen. Once Sister had gone, we talked a little about ourselves just to pass the time. We now asked each other what it was all about; all I could think of was that the Sister was probably waiting for my Sister to come, so that our mischief could be reported. It was just that we did not think we had been up to any mischief, in the normal way. If you were in trouble, you would be accused of a wrongdoing and it was up to you to try to get out of it.

Other than being told to keep our hoods up, stand in the alcove and then to sit, the Sister had not said anything else. We were left alone for a slightly longer period. My only thought was that it must be getting near teatime, and that I would be in trouble if I were late. If Sister were coming over, then my only lateness would be if she delayed coming over.

The Sister came back; Helen asked ‘can we go now please?’ It was polite and the way it had been said, I did not think would get us into trouble. There was a simple reply of ‘No, I’­ve told you to stay there.’ We were left alone. Not knowing the layout of the room or adjoining passages, I did not want to move away from our alcove, and if we did try to leave, whatever trouble we were in would only be made worse. The Sister came back, looked at us without saying anything and went off. What trouble we were in I could only guess at, and why had the Sister not wanted to tell us what we had done wrong.

Both of us were fidgeting slightly, although the alcove was big enough to sit in, we had damp raincoats and were sitting on a cold floor, it was uncomfortable.  Helen told me she would soon need to go for a pee, and asked did I think the Sister would allow her to go. From the window we could see that the light was fading, although it was not yet dark. I knew teatime had now passed, and after sitting on this cold floor, I too would soon need to go for a pee.

This room had a few lights on, so that it was not actually in darkness. There was nothing really to be frightened of; it was just that the Sister had been so odd with us. On her next visit, we both asked if we could be allowed to visit the lavatory. We were not crying with desperation, but she might have guessed that we really needed to go. She just told us to stay sat down.

Disobeying a Sister for any reason was never worth it; the one rule you always had to follow was obeying a Sister. All we could do was sit and wait. Sister passed a few minutes later but said nothing.  Now I knew I needed to go, I was on the point of getting up to see if I could find a lavatory or the way out, when Helen asked me to stay. I mentioned that I was starting to get desperate; Helen seemed to agree that she would not be able to wait much longer. I had not really been very keen seeing what was beyond the alcove; asking me to stay only made up my mind that I should continue sitting here.

Helen was fidgeting, and then came the announcement that she had done it in her knickers. This was the limit of my waiting. I could not hold on any longer either, but I was too afraid to move from this spot.

We both held hands. The trouble we were in was slowly getting worse; it was a joke between us, that the floor was a little warmer now. The Sister paid us another visit whilst we were in tears. We did not know what our punishment was going to be. This was odd; the Sister did not say anything and just left us. Our tears now became a full-blown crying event. If one of us started to stop crying, the other one soon started the other off again. The only noise we heard was a door slamming somewhere in the building. If this was our Sisters coming to punish us, our crying now became a howl. It was neither the Sister nor our own Sisters, but the Governor. His first question was, why were we sitting here. All we could tell him was that we had been told to sit here by one of the Sisters.

Both of us were helped up, each of us was shaking, it was partly from the cold and partly about the trouble we were in. All we were told was that it might be best if we now returned to our flats. I expected to be let out of the building to make my way back to my flat and face the reception from Sister. The Governor now escorted us out of the building; I looked up at the clock it was now after seven. We had been in that laundry room for over four hours. The Governor was asking each of us which flats we were in, then both of us were taken to our flats.

I waited on the doorstep as Helen was ushered into her flat. She was crying in front of her Sister and trying to explain that she was sorry that she was late and we could not help wetting ourselves, as the Sister we had been with would not let us leave the room to visit the toilet. Helen then went further inside the flat. The Governor had a word with her Sister and then came back to me.

Now alone, I started to cry again. I was told that I was not in any trouble, and Sister would probably give me a nice warm bath when we got to the flat. When we arrived at our flat he had a quick word with Sister whilst I stood in the corridor. Eventually he left. I was worried about what Sister had in mind for me. There was no telling off; her main comment was I ought to get out of these wet clothes. I was taken straight to the bathroom and stripped off. There was not any way that Sister could not spot my damp underpants and trousers, but nothing was mentioned. A warm bath was run, once in it I was left alone while she went to get my pyjamas.

I expected some of the others to come and gloat over the trouble I was in, but only Sister returned. It was thought best that I went to bed. I was escorted to my bedroom; I expected that I would now receive the slipper. I was then asked would I like something to eat? This was odd. If I were in trouble, the last thing Sister would be offering me would be something to eat. I nodded; I just did not feel like talking at this moment.

Left alone I was soon in tears again; I could not think what I had done wrong. Sister returned to bring me some food and comfort me. I ate a little, but I did not seem to have an appetite. It was not that I was afraid of Sister, but I just could not think what I had done wrong earlier in the day. Sister comforted me a little more and told me to get some sleep. The other three came to bed later; apart from visiting the lavatory late at night, I stayed asleep until the following morning.

 In the morning it seemed like a bad dream; the other three on being woken by Sister rushed off to the bathroom, and I was left alone for a quiet talk. It appeared that we had not done anything wrong; we should forget about it. I was told that the Sister we had met could be a little forgetful at times; she had retired a few years ago and now came over at odd times just to help. She might have forgotten why we there in the first place. None of the others asked me about why I did not turn up for tea yesterday; I could guess Sister had told them not to bother me. Eventually the day started as normal, and noisy commotion ruled the flat once again.

Later I met up with Helen. She could not think what it had all been about; the only part we were happy about was that we had not been punished. I told Helen that Sister did not blame me for having wet my pants, and did not seem to mind. If something like that had happened in front of my mother, I would have been in serious trouble. I would have been back to cold baths and the plimsoll as punishment. Sister seemed to realise that it was not my fault on this occasion. I knew that if it happened again, Sister would request that I wear a pair of waterproof pants out to play, as I still was not trusted on long coach journeys by her. Helen now told me that when she first came to the Home a few years ago, her Sister had made her wear them every day when she went to the nursery school. Only when she started infant school did the Sister think she was old enough not to need them.

The pair of us often arranged to meet up when we were out at play. We would take ourselves off to the remote parts of the grounds. We seemed to share some bond; it was not something we could explain to each other. Sitting down and just trying to work out how things went on at the Home seemed to take up most of our time. Allowing other children from our flats into our time together was something we did not want. I did not really think of her as a girlfriend; at my age such things were thought to be soppy.

 Helen brought my sheltered life over the ways that boys and girls could act more up to date. It was possibly for this reason I wanted to keep such meetings secret from the other boys in my flat. If they had found out and told on me, the punishments I would have received would be unthinkable. Helen had no reason to tell anyone in her flat that she met me, so our happy times were kept secret from everyone. As we went to different schools, there was nothing else to link us together.

Continued

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