During my stay in the Home I had one irrational fear; it was of wetting my bed. At first I did not know what the punishment would be if I wet the bed. If Sister had explained to me on my arrival that there was no punishment for wetting the bed, I might have been able to put my mind at rest and not to worry at night.
After a few weeks I had settled into the workings of the flat. I could see that the others boys in my room had odd problems from time to time, and if any of us wet the bed it did not seem to matter.
Around the age of nine, if I was caught out of bed early in the evening I was sent straight back to bed without visiting the lavatory. Her odd punishment of not allowing me to visit the lavatory if it was only a short time after going to bed only confused matters for me.
Years later I found out from Sister, that from the age of nine, she thought we might like to wander into the girls room during the night. I was told that she would rather us risk the odd wet bed, than have us wandering around the flat at night. This combined with her thoughts that I was not visiting the lavatory before I went to bed, was the reason for restricting my night time movements.
I tried not to wet the bed, by aiming to wake up a little later in the evening when Sister had gone to bed. Some of the time this worked, on other times I never managed to wake up and my bed was soaked during the night.
When the Houseparent took over from Sister, I was now told by her that I would be slippered if I wet the bed. The slipperings took place whilst the other boys went for their morning wash.
After a short time, I was not afraid of the slipper from the Houseparent when I woke up with a wet bed as it had become such a regular event. I was just angry at waiting for her to come in and give me the slipper. I was often in tears, but once it had been given and left alone I was able to calm down.
The slipper did little good, if they had wanted me to stop wetting the bed, allowing me to get out of bed when I wanted to, would have solved the problem. Visiting the girls room in the night would have been the last thing on my mind.
If the Home expected night time accidents, it was that all our beds were fitted with a rubber sheet on top of the mattress. The older boys just seemed to laugh the matter off when they wet the bed, for me it just caused me to worry in case my mother found out. I never realised that from the start she had been told about my bedwetting, my mother never said anything to me about it during my stay in the Home, but only mentioned that she knew about it, after I had left the Home and returned to live with her.
On the many visits the Child Care Office made to my mother, the matter of my bedwetting was never mentioned in my reports, but I realise now that they must have talked it over, my mother would have explained that before I went into the Home there were several bedwetting incidents. So nothing was done during my first eighteen months in the Home.
The Child Care Officer expecting that some of us would have accidents at night, did not appear to think this was a problem, so no in depth thought seemed to be given to the matter.
My mother was told by Sister that I had a few wet beds, but little awareness was placed on the matter. When the Houseparent took over from Sister, my mother and her seemed to agree that I should be punished, as the accidents were only happening in the Home and not the visits with my mother. They decided that I should be given the slipper. If I had wet my bed on my visits to my mother, I knew I would have been given the cane by her, only my ability to get up at night when I wanted to on my visits to my mother prevented any bedwetting and a caning.
In a report shortly after the Houseparents arrival, it is mentioned that there were now only minor incidents. This was due to the Houseparent going to bed at an earlier time than Sister did, thus I didn't have to wait so long before sneaking out of bed when the coast was clear to visit the lavatory.
No questions were asked by my mother as to why I had started to have such a regular problem, yet not wet the bed on any of my visits to London, and it was never explained to her that Sister had not really wanted me out of bed at night once I reached nine.
If I had been placed in a different flat, with only boys of my own age, then the problems might not have been so great, and it might have reassured me that if an accident had ever occurred there was nothing to worry about.
On the family holiday with the Houseparent, I wet the bed on the first night, as my regular routine of making a visit to the lavatory had not been possible. Later in the morning I received a slippering from the Houseparent over my bedwetting, for the rest of the two week holiday I wet the bed each night and was slippered for each event.
Even after I had left the Home, there was a short period of worry, it was only meeting a friend that suffered from regular bedwetting, that I learnt to relax and if the odd wet bed occurred it was not at all important, together with my mother deciding not to punish me over such acts. From the age of twelve, I was able to get a complete night's peaceful sleep without any more problems.
PUNISHMENTS
Some of the physical punishments in the Home I did deserve. The slipper kept me in order, it's use on me was an easy way of keeping control and once over I should return to been good, without further time needing to be spent on me.
If the Sister or Houseparent had not been able to use the slipper I might have become a problem and any form of easy family life could not have been possible. Giving me extra chores and the like might have been a solution, but without any worse punishment been available, I might have simply ignored chores set as punishments.
If stopping visits to my mother been tried, then my activities in the Home would have become a nuisance. The threat of the slipper or its actual use, did keep me in order and under control. However, if there were no physical punishments that could be given to me, I might have turned out to be a calm well behaved boy.
Without the fear of punishments, many of the problems that seemed to cause conflict might not have occurred. If I could not be given the cane or the slipper, I would have been strong enough to stand up to Sister and other adults at the Home and request a few changes.
1. I do not want to drink tea – it makes me sick. 2. At night if I want to go to the lavatory, please don’t stop me. 3. I would like to go for walks on my own outside the grounds. 4. I don’t want to go to Cubs. 5. I don’t want to go to Sunday school. 6. I don’t like parsnips please do not put them on my plate. 7. Can you keep my sweets safe, so I can have some each day? 8. I don’t want to escort a girl to school. 9. Can I visit my friends after school? 10 Can I visit my local relatives?
Ten simple matters that if I had the courage to put the requests would have made three years of my life far easier and for the staff I would have been far easier to manage. A child in care today could get most of these simple wishes granted without any problem.
MY FINAL FEAR
On leaving the Home, there was always the fear that I might be returned to the Home. For my first six months the fear was the strongest, but until I left school, it was always in the back of my mind.
